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Elfbytes December '06

(Note: this is not your average cut and paste, we actually write this stuff.)

This is for product in February, so the big theme seems to be Love!
And not just, you know, the inflatable doll love you’re all used to as comic fans, but unabashed, sweaty, Nerd-Love! So consider one of the following recommendations to pass along to your sweetie.
Because nothing says “Baby, I dig you,” than two muscle-bound men in fetish suits grunting and punching each other in the teeth.

For your convenience, click links below to jump to a certain Publisher.

Independent Comics | Dark Horse Comics | DC Comics
Image Comics | Marvel Comics | Toys & Stuff

Remember to get your orders in by December 24th!

INDEPENDENT COMICS HIGHLIGHTS

ABRAMS

MANGA SHAKESPEARE GNS. By Will Shakespeare, Emma Vieceli, and Sonia Leong. If you really think about it, Shakespeare is perfect for manga, epic human drama, imaginative lands full of mystic creatures, and of course, we can’t forget the groundbreaking moments of Giant Robot Tentacle Porn that made Twelfth Night such an instant classic.

Two volumes available: HAMLET and ROMEO & JULIET. Both are tentacle-porn free!

ARCANA STUDIO

AMERICAN WASTELAND: BLOOD AND DIESEL #1 of 4. By Hall, Kidwell, & Bledsoe. A guy named Cletus must fight a country full of vampire monsters to save a small boy. It’s not looking good for the boy.

SHADOWFLAME #1. By Joe Martino. Officer Tom Wyatt tried to kill himself after the death of his wife. Instead, he was transported onto an alien spaceship and given superpowers and told his is like unto a God. Now he is a role model, who tells the children of the world to try and kill themselves as early as possible so you can get noticed by the magical wish granting aliens.

ARCHAIA

THE SECRET HISTORY BOOK ONE: GENESIS. Written by Jean-Pierre Pecau. Illustrated by Igor Kordey. Covers by Manchu & Olivier Vatine. Four immortal brothers and sisters, four archons possessing runestones of great power, leaping through time, consumed in an epic struggle to shape the history of Western civilization. One of them invented the stuffed crust pizza.

BOOM STUDIOS

DOMINION #1 Created by Keith Giffen and Ross Richie. Written by Michael Alan Nelson. Illustrated by Tim Hamilton. An alien microbe lands on Earth and starts taking over human hosts in an attempt to build its own homeland. It’s like a sentient herpes virus.

DEVIL’S DUE

FORGOTTEN REALMS: LEGEND OF DRIZZT VOL 4: THE CRYSTAL SHARD HC Written by R.A. Salvatore. Adapted by Andrew Dabb. Illustrated by Val Semieks. DID YOU KNOW? An elf is a mythical creature of Germanic mythology/paganism which still survives in northern European folklore. In Norse mythology they were originally a race of minor gods of nature and fertility. Elves are often pictured as youthful-seeming men and women of great beauty living in forests and other natural places, underground, or in wells and springs. They have been portrayed to be long-lived or immortal and they have magical powers attributed to them.

FORGOTTEN REALMS: LEGEND OF DRIZZT VOL 5: STREAMS OF SILVER #1 of 3. Written by R.A. Salvatore. Adapted by Andrew Dabb. Illustrated by Val Semieks. I wonder if Santa’s elves have knives?

KILLER 7 TP. Written by Arvid Nelson. Illustrated by El Dazo. The title revolves around Harman Smith, a 60-year-old assassin in a wheelchair. He is capable of manifesting seven personalities each with their own deadly abilities and the whole group is collectively known as the Killer7.

D.E. DYNAMITE ENTERTAINMENT

CLASSIC BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: CYLON APOCALYPSE #1. Written by Javier Grillo-Marxuach. Illustrated by Carlo Rafael. The Cylon race collapses after they start watching the classic show and realizing what a joke they were.

WITCHBLADE: SHADES OF GRAY #1. Written by Leah Moore & John Reppion. Illustrated by Stephen Segovia. Okay, some of you who know literature may not know Witchblade and some of you who drool over Witchblade comics, may not know how to spell “novel”. So here’s what you need to know:

DORIAN GRAY: The novel tells of a young man named Dorian Gray, the subject of a painting by artist Basil Hallward. Dorian is selected for his remarkable physical beauty, and Basil becomes strongly infatuated with Dorian, believing that his beauty is responsible for a new mode of art. Realizing that one day his beauty will fade, Dorian cries out, wishing that the portrait Basil has painted of him would age rather than himself. Dorian's wish is fulfilled, subsequently plunging him into a sequence of debauched acts.

WITCHBLADE: The Witchblade is a mystical battle-thong that has attached itself to an attractive New York City Detective of Destiny.

XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS VOL 1: CONTEST OF PANTHEONS TP. Written by John Layman. Illustrated by Fabiano Neves. Another smash hit by rising comics superstar, John Layman. He’s going to be a daddy soon, you know. Buy this so that he can afford to feed his new son. Which he is going to name after James.

GIANT-SIZE RED SONJA #1. By Various. Is this the female equivalent joke of Giant-Size Man-Thing? Because, you know, comics are sexist enough without this crap.

DRAWN & QUARTERLY

ONE EYE SC. By Charles Burns. From the twisted mind that brought us all BLACK HOLE (which you should read if you haven’t yet) comes this unique collection of photographs. This is the first book in a new series of affordable art books by D&Q. A great idea, with some great talent!

IDW PUBLISHING

TRANSFORMERS: MOVIE PREQUEL #1 of 4. Written by Simon Furman & Chris Ryall. Illustrated by Don Figueroa. THEY ARE IN OUR BASE. KILLING OUR DOODZ!

MARKOSIA

THE TEMPLAR CHRONICLES: THE HERETIC #1. By Massise, Satterlee, McCorkindale, and Hiltbrunner. Adapted from a novel by Joseph Nassise. An ancient army is reborn and only a supernatural detective may be able to stop them.

MIRAGE STUDIOS

SOUL’S WINTER: THE COLLECTED TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WORK OF MICHAEL ZULLI TP. By Michael Zulli, natch. The Ninja Turtles get all weird and fantasy-like. It’s like Elseworlds Ninja Turtles! That’s as crazy an idea as turning the Justice League into gorillas! Ha! Ha! Like JLApe or something! Ha! Oh, wait. … Comics make me sad sometimes.

PENNY FARTHING PRESS

STUART MOORE’ PARA TP. Written by Stuart Moore. Illustrated by various. Deep beneath the heart of Texas it lies: the Supercollider, the world’s largest, most powerful particle accelerator. But a horrific disaster in the mid-‘80s left it highly radioactive, killing everyone including the project’s head scientist, Dr. William Erie. Now, twenty years later, Sara Erie -- the doctor’s daughter -- is determined to find out the real story.

DARK HORSE COMICS HIGHLIGHTS

CITY OF OTHERS #1 of 4. Written by Steve Niles. Illustrated by Bernie Wrightson. SHOCK! Steve Niles is writing a horror book. This one’s about a remorseless killer who is trying to kill two people in an alley. Only they just won’t die.

THE SECRET #1 of 4. Mike Richardson. Illustrated by Jason Alexander. Tonight is Tommy Morris’s big chance: he’s been invited to a party with the social elite of Franklin High and he might even be able to hook up with the girl of his dreams! But of course, everything’s going to go wrong.

DARK HORSE GRAPHIC NOVELS:

EMPOWERED GN. Written & illustrated by Adam Warren. Not only is the costumed crimefighter Empowered saddled with a lame superhero name, but she wears a skintight and cruelly revealing ‘supersuit’ that only magnifies her body-image insecurities. Worse yet, the suit’s unreliable powers are prone to failure, repeatedly leaving her in distressing situations and giving her a shameful reputation as the lamest “cape” in the business.

ALIENS VS. PREDATOR OMNIBUS VOL 1 TP. Various writers & artists. Man these two freaky creatures hate each other.

FEAR AGENT VOL 1: RE-IGNITION TP. Written by Rick Remender. Illustrated by Tony Moore. Heath Hudson is a drunk. He used to be a Fear Agent, one of Earth’s sworn guardians against alien invasion. Right up until the moment they were all slaughtered. Now there’s a new threat, and Heath has to decide whether to keep drinking or be a hero.

STAR WARS LEGACY VOL 1: BROKEN TP. Written by John Ostrander. Illustrated by Jan Duursema. Cover by Adam Hughes. Set a hundred years after RETURN OF THE JEDI, here’s a bunch of new aliens and spaceships for you Star Wars fans to drool over.

STAR WARS 30^th ANNIVERSARY COLLECTION VOL 2: JEDI VS SITH HC. Written by Darko Macan. Illustrated by Ramon F. Bachs. Cover by Andrew Robinson. Limited hardcover release of classic Star Wars comics. I’m not too into Star Wars, but apparently there are two opposing sides of characters that dislike each other and choose to resolve a philosophical misunderstanding through violence? Sounds like our world, doesn't it?

DC COMICS HIGHLIGHTS

Marvel’s big news is Spidey’s new duds, Meanwhile at DC they’re reintroducing some guy named George Perez to the world of monthly series.

THE HELMET OF FATE: SARGON THE SORCERER #1. Written by Steve Niles. Illustrated by Scott Hampton. Who the crap is Sargon the Sorcerer? What happened to the monkey?

That pesky helmet of fate is at it again, and this time he’s brought yet another hero no one cares about. That’s right Sargon joins the fun as members of the DC Legion of Stupid Heroes continues to try and solve the mystery of what happened to the Magic of the DCU. I’m hoping next month we can get a HELMET OF FATE: EL MEURTO. Look him up. He’s real. Mexicans can be heroes two.

THE HELMET OF FATE: ZAURIEL #1. Written by Steve Gerber. Illustrated by Peter Snejbjerg. Cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta. Okay, I remember Zauriel. He was in Grant Morrison’s JLA. Wow, he’s fallen really low if his book comes AFTER A TALKING DETECTIVE CHIMPANZEE.

You know you’re lame when you need a really loose tie in to the Helmet of Fate to hype your mini series. How loose? Well here’s exactly what DC had to say to hype this Hawkman wannabe “An angel walks on planet earth… and he’s a superhero? The Creature from two worlds is among us to keep us from the grasp of a great wickedness! Plus who will bear the Helmet of Fate?” the sly reader might notice that the Helmet of Fate is not actually tied in with the Superhero among us, keeping us from great wickedness's grasp thing.

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #1. Written by Mark Waid. Illustrated by George Perez. I could prattle on about the return of George Perez to sell this book. I could extol the quality works of Mark Waid, like Kingdom Come or Captain America. I could hype up the presence of Batman, or the fact there are not 1 but 2 Green Lanterns in this book. Instead I’m just going to suggest you check out pages 73 - 75 of this months previews. If that doesn’t convince you, then nothing will.

Here's the premise: Green Lantern Hal Jordan finds a dead body in space. Since Hal Jordan is not a smart man, he calls in Batman to help solve the murder. Now Batman doesn’t belong in outer space. Outer space is for hasbin's like Green Lantern and anyone involved in Marvel's ANNIHILATION.

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #6 The justice league fights someone. That’s all DC is saying. Normally at this point I would hurl weak, not so funny insults at them that will maybe inspire a smirk or groan, but in this case DC has a an excellent alternative sales pitch. The greatest Adam Hughes cover ever! Available only as one in 10, so talk to Ethan about details on how to own this beauty.

SHAZAM: THE MONSTER SOCIETY OF EVIL #1 of 4. Written and illustrated by Jeff Smith. The three Shazam cousins - the avaricious Phoncible P. "Phoney" Shazam, the goofy, cigar-smoking Smiley Shazam, and the everyman character Fone Shazam - are run out of their hometown of Shazamville after Phoney decides to run for mayor with disastrous results.

Jeff Smith, the genius behind BONE brings you this prestige format 4 issue miniseries featuring Earth Mightiest Mortal. Billy Batson, now wielding amazing magic powers has to save the world from an alien invasion and monsters.

DC COMICS GRAPHIC NOVELS

ABSOLUTE BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN HC. Written by Jeph Loeb. Illustrated by Tim Sale. The latest oversized hardcover which includes a host of extras like an interview with Loeb & Sale, sketches, the series proposal, a section about action figures, and a 4 page section in script/breakdown section.

If you haven’t read the story that made the Loeb/Sale team famous and prompted the reprinting of everything they ever touched then you don’t really know comics. The stunning story of Batman struggling to stop a serial killer known as holiday. As people die left and right Batman struggles to untangle the mystery, and catch up to the elusive killer. With stunning art that really compels the story and set the mood and tone, this is truly one of the GREATEST batman stories of all time.

BATMAN: SNOW TP. Written by Dan Curtis Johnson & J.H. Williams III. Illustrated by Seth Fisher. A new twist in the origin of Mr. Freeze featuring some of the last artwork of Seth Green before his death.

ALL STAR SUPERMAN VOL 1 HC. Written by Grant Morrison. Illustrated by Frank Quitely. Wow. Six issues of All Star Superman! Wouldn’t it be awesome if other DC Characters had All-Star books? My vote is for Batman. Yeah. There should be an All-Star Batman comic.

You may have to wait to get issue #7 so you might as well re-read this slow to arrive but quick to deliver series.

SUPERMAN/BATMAN: THE GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD TP. Written by Jeph Loeb, Edmond Hamilton, and others. Illustrated by Curt Swan, Ed McGuinness, and others. Cover by Alex Ross. Another trade paperback created to that they can use an Alex Ross poster as a cover image!

FLASH: THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE TP. Written by Danny Bilson & Paul DeMeo. Illustrated by Ken Lashley and Karl Kerschl.

In this volume collecting the first six issues of the new series featuring the story "Lightning in a Bottle" written by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo -- creators of the TV series The Flash -- one of the biggest questions of 2006 is answered: Who exactly is the new Flash.

WILDSTORM

THE BOYS VOL 1 TP. Written by Garth Ennis. Illustrated by Darick Robertson. The usual Garth Ennis tricks. Sarcastic people from the UK. Unspeakable violence. Sexual depravity. Goodie. Goodie.

VERTIGO

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN HC Written by Mike Carey. Illustrated by John Bolton. Faeries get hooked on drugs made from HUMAN BLOOD. Time to start chanting “I don’t believe in Faeries!” so we can kill them before they drain us for a fix.

THE EXTERMINATORS VOL 2: INSURGENCY TP. Written by Simon Oliver. Illustrated by Tony Moore. This book is engrossingly gross. Disgustingly delightful!

IMAGE COMICS HIGHLIGHTS

MADMAN GARGANTUA HC. Written and illustrated by Mike Allred. This book is 852 pages! Gargantua is a great word, too. Not quite as good as “Quadrilogy” but it’s up there.

STRONGARM #1. Written by Steve Horton. Illustrated by David Ahn. Twin brothers Nick and Rob lead very different lives. Nick leads an underground resistance movement and Rob is a delivery boy. But then Rob gets stuck with a crazy bio-mechanical arm that likes to kill things. He’ll probably just keep his delivery job.

CASANOVA #1-7 SET. Written by Matt Fraction. Illustrated by Gabriel Ba. Casanova Quinn is a transdimensional super-spy. Cass slips between time, space, and bed sheets trying to survive the dizzying double-crosses of the spy biz.

WITCHBLADE MANGA #1. Written by Kobayashi Yasuko. Illustrated by Sumita Kazasa. Props to Top Cow trying to cash in on the manga phenomenon! It’s about time that publishers realized that affordable, digest or trade paperback books are going to save…wait. They are taking a Japanese manga book and turning it into a Western style comic? Never mind. There’s probably tentacles in this book though. Just like Shakespeare.

THE AGENCY TP. Written by Paul Jenkins. Illustrated by Kyle Hotz. In a horrible future, traditional policing has fallen away, and big business corporations have stepped in to bring their own twisted views of justice to the world.

MARVEL COMICS HIGHLIGHTS

Marvel screws you out of more money! If these books come out on time, it means that NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME!

CIVIL WAR: THE INITIATIVE Written by Brian Michael Bendis & Warren Ellis. Illustrated by Marc Silvestri. Debuts the all-new Iron Man, Omega Flight, Mighty Avengers, New Avengers (not the old New Avengers, who replaced the Old Avengers, but a New Team of New Avengers who are not the Mighty Avengers, because the new Mighty Avengers are made up of mostly Old Avengers who weren’t involved in the Old New Avengers.). Oh, and Thunderbolts. But not the New Thunderbolts…

CAPTAIN AMERICA #25. Written by Ed Brubaker. Illustrated by Steve Epting. Variant Cover by Bryan Hitch. Boy, Captain America sure got the crap kicked out of him in Civil War, eh.

BLACK PANTHER #25. Written by Reginald Hudlin. Illustrated by Koi Turnbull. Cover by Michael Turner. Man. Black Panther’s finally in Civil War, in fact, is the catalyst of the major changes sweeping throughout the Marvel Universe, and still can’t get any respect.

CIVIL WAR FRONT LINE #11 of 10. Written by Paul Jenkins. Illustrated by Ramon Bachs. SHOCK! Civil War is delayed so much that the spin offs have no choice but to continue! This, originally a ten issue series, is now eleven issues.

CIVIL WAR POSTER BOOK. Cover by Leinil Yu. Originally, it was supposed to be a Civil War Calendar, but then the idea that anyone at Marvel actually knows how to use one just became so ridiculous that they just got rid of that complicated “monthy thing” and kept the pretty, pretty pictures.

GHOST RIDER #8. Written by Daniel Way. Illustrated by Javier Saltares & Mark Texeira. Cover by Arthur Suydam. Ghost Rider’s nemesis Lucifer has taken a new human host, a casualty of Civil War! Glad to see Ghost Rider can mooch off of Civil War, and not just The Blatant Cash-Grab Thanks to the Ghost Rider Movie That Looks Awful and may go straight to DVD.

IRON MAN #15. Written by Daniel & Charles Knauf. Illustrated by Patrick Zircher. Cover by Adi Granov. Variant Cover by Gerald Parel. Here’s an interesting question. Is Iron Man so important now because of Civil War? Or is it because of the Great Iron Man Flood of Products to Hype a Movie That Might Suck.

The Marvel Universe that doesn’t matter because it doesn’t relate to Civil War:

DARK TOWER: THE GUNSLINGER BORN #1 of 7. Written by Peter David & Robin Furth. Illustrated by Jae Lee. Variant Cover by Joe Quesada. The Dark Tower and Marvel Comics is a perfect partnership. The Dark Tower series of novels took TWENTY TWO YEARS to complete! And you guys get all pissy and demand Tom Brevoort be fired when Civil War is delayed for two months. Get some perspective, Marvel Zombies!

Just as the TREWS say in their whiny crooning way “I am tired of waiting.” And thankfully I no longer have two. With the lightning quick distribution that made us fall in love with Spiderman/Black Cat and Daredevil: Father finally comes Stephen King’s epic vision. Now, as part of our new “ELF BOOKIE SERVICE” we’ll be taking bets on how long before issue 2 is released.

SPIDER BOOKS.

Let no one ever say Marvel wasn’t willing to tap (exploit) all possible revenue streams, like say Movie tie ins, or Giant Company wide crossovers, or both at the same time. Case in point all of these wonderful new Spider titles, where Spidey will be sporting his “Old is New” black costume.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #539. Written by J. Michael Straczynski. Illustrated by Ron Garney. OMG! Spider-Man gets a badass OLD COSTUME! Black is the new Iron which was the new original!

All Marvel says in the gibberish they’re passing off as an issue description in the new marvel previews is “ gear up for an event that will forever change the life of your favourite web-slinger.” Now judging by the oh so clever title BACK IN BLACK, I’m betting this stunning event will be as original as Wolverine cutting something. More importantly Spider-man is wearing BLACK!!!!!

FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD SPIDERMAN #17 by Peter David and Todd Nauk. Spider man (dressed in black) fights Sandman. Spidey wants to find out the truth behind the alternate Uncle Ben. Sandman is Just pissed off, that even though he’s a former Avenger no one invited him to join in all the fun of CIVIL WAR. Not even as part of the Thunderbolts or Heroes for Hire. He didn’t even get a free trip to the Negative Zone. It’s enough to make anyone mad.

SENSATIONAL SPIDERMAN #35 by Roberto Aguirre-Sacassa and Angel Medina. All sorts of new and exciting “Spider-men” start popping up all over the New York. Lacking experience and wit, they are all well out of their league. Can the real deal save them? Do they also get to wear fancy Black costumes and which one will get his or her own spin off series. I’m hoping for a “Legion of Spider Heroes” it could include: The Scarlet Spider, Spider Woman 1, 2 and 3, Spider Girl, and Spider-Ham.

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #1. Written by Sean McKeever. Illustrated by Terrell Bobbett. Look! A one shot that is only offered to hype this whole black costume thing. Isn’t manipulative marketing on your horribly weak minds fun? The black costume is pretty awesome, though….

An exciting new Bi-monthly series that reintroduces one of Spider-fans favourite characters… “the Symbiote” yes explore the joy that is the “Black Costume!

AMAZING SPIDER GIRL #5 by Tom Defalco and Ron Frenz. Readers pressured Marvel to save her, but they couldn’t get her one of those swanky black outfits all the cool spider folk are wearing. Oh well.

ANNIHILATION: HERALDS OF GALACTUS – TERRAX/STARDUST. Written by Christos Gage & Stuart Moore. Illustrated by Giuseppe Camuncoli & Mike McKone. Cover by Gabrielle Dell’Otto. This looks like two one-shots that were smashed together into one comic at the last minute. Which means these two characters are so lame that they can’t even sell ONE ISSUE on their own. But! Great artists: Camuncoli & McKone.

DAREDEVIL #94 by Ed Brubaker and John Paul Leon with a very special cover by Joh Romita Sr. An exciting stand alone issue that sees Matt start to rebuild his life.

GHOST RIDER: TRAIL OF TEARS #1 of 6 Written by Garth Ennis. Illustrated by Clayton Crain. The Blatant Cash-Grab Thanks to the Ghost Rider Movie That Looks Awful continues! This is the prequel to Road to Damnation.

The exciting prequel to the smash hit “ road to damnation”. Set in the Civil War era (the actual Civil War, you know, the one that saw some US States hating on other US States) this dark story sees one of the lucky veterans find a fiery wraith of venganece. This books is entirely inspired by the upcoming movie, which as I understand it, James is still undecided but surprisingly optimistic about. *Sigh*

LEGION OF MONSTERS: WEREWOLF BY NIGHT #1. Written by Mike Carey & Skottie Young. Illustrated by Greg Land & Skottie Young. The ad says that this is the story Greg Land has waited his whole life to draw Werewolf by Night. Does he have this hidden stash of hairy women fashion magazines to trace from? Weird & Ewwwe!

MARVEL LEGACY: THE 1990’S HANDBOOK By lots of people. The only thing sadder then a book that features Darkhawk, The Secret Defenders and all off the 2099 crew is that I am actually tempted to get this little number.

NEW AVENGERS #27 Bendis and Yu. Angry at their exclusion from the Civil War, and with Sandman already taking out his frustration on Spider Punching Bag; Electra and Ronin decide to fight. Yay heores fighting, haven’t seen that before. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding.

ONSLAUGHT REBORN #4 Jeph Loeb and Rob Liefeld. I admit it. I hate this book. But I’m open minded, and very forgiving so I’ll try it again, and so should you. And really why not, after all in this issue, J Scott Campbell lends his unique punctual style to the cover. Finally Onslaught will have those sultry hips I’ve always thought he needed.

PUNISHER PRESENTS: BARRACUDA MAX #1 of 5. Written by Garth Ennis. Illustrated by Goran Parlov. Ha ha. “Punisher Presents!” The Punisher is Marvel’s answer to Neil Gaiman’s Sandman.

What, you actually thought someone might die and stay dead in comics? Mother F%$*ing fool that you are. No instead everyone’s favourite mercenary is trying to protect a hemophiliac from a bunch of angry gangsters. This would actually sound really, really stupid if it wasn’t by intense, ‘splode stuff Mr. Ennis.

SQUADRON SUPREME: HYPERION vs. NIGHTHAWK #2 This is actually a book that started last month, and I really have nothing to add. Mostly I just need your help in answering one simple question. Marvel claims to have “ripped this story from the headlines”, I just want to know which headline? Did I miss one that said “Blatant cash grab by Quesada” or one that read “Friends of Spider-man in a Tiff” It’s probably just from the entertainment section, “K-fed and Britney Split.”

DABEL BROS

ORSON SCOTT CARD’S WYRMS #1 of 6. Written by Orson Scott Card. Adapted by Jake Black. Illustrated by Adriano Batista. Like many of Card's works, this story is a metaphor. It looks at, among other things, the desires of the flesh, and how succumbing to them is dangerous. Because you can go blind.

MARVEL TRADE PAPERBACKS

DAREDEVIL BY FRANK MILLER & KLAUS JANSON OMNIBUS HC Written by the Goddamn Frank Miller & the Goddamn Roger McKenzie. Illustrated by The Goddamn Frank Miller & the Goddamn Klaus Janson. The Goddamn Daredevil falls in love with the Goddamn Elektra and fights the Goddamn Bullseye who is working for the Goddamn Kingpin. The Goddamn “Goddamn” jokes with Frank Miller are never going to get old. What are you, RETARDED?

ANNIHILATION BOOK 1 HC. Written by Keith Giffen, Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning. Illustrated by Mitch Breitweiser, Scott Kolins, Ariel Olivetti & Kev Walker. Wow. Which came first? The sad chicken, or the pathetic egg? Marvel looked across town and saw that DC were doing a series of interconnected minis called SEVEN SOLDIERS. Marvel thought to themselves, what would make Seven Soldiers more EXTREME? Their answer? SEVEN SOLDIERS IN SPACE. Witness how will an assortment of space heroes (who could not hold their own series) stop the Annihilation Wave?

STAN LEE MEETS HC. Written by Stan Lee, Brian Michael Bendis, Joss Whedon, Jeph Loeb, Roy Thomas, and Paul Jenkins. Illustrated by Alan Davis, Mark Bagley, Olivier Coipel, Michael Gaydos, Salvador Larroca, Ed McGuinness, Lee Weeks, Scott Kolins, Mike Wieringo, and Mark Buckingham. A superstar lineup of creators can’t wait to kiss Stan Lee’s ass. Speaking of kissing Ass, The Joss Whedon story was great.

MARVEL 1602 HC – NEW PRINTING!. Written by Neil Gaiman. Illustrated by Andy Kubert. NOTE TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ACTUALLY HAVE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE: They like Neil Gaiman. You like superheroes. This book will bring you closer together. In a decidedly non-sexual way. But, that’s okay, too, because women also have these things called “Feelings.” And they like it if you look up into their eyes once in a while.

CIVIL WAR: THE ROAD TO CIVIL WAR TP. Written by Brian Michael Bendis & J. Michael Straczynski. Illustrated by Alex Maleev, Ron Garney, Mike McKone, and Tyler Kirkham. How did everything get so messed up with Marvel Comics? Find out the Secret Origins of Iron Man’s douchebaggery in this nifty little trade paperback.

GHOST RIDER TEAM UP TP. Written by Steven Grant, Tom DeFalco, Bill Mantlo, Jim Shooter, and Michael Fleisher. Illustrated by Pat Broderick, Ron Wilson, Frank Robbins, Bob Hall, and Don Perlin. The Blatant Cash-Grab Thanks to the Ghost Rider Movie That Looks Awful continues! Watch Ghost Rider join forces with heroes who are more popular and successful than he is! Like The Thing! The Avengers! And the Giant-Sized Man-Thing!

TOYS & MISC. HIGHLIGHTS

BATMAN: BLACK AND WHITE STATUE

We here at Elfsar love some fine quality statues. We also love Chocolates, Booze and Hard Cash! If you have seen the other Batman black and white statues still available then I don’t have to convince you of their quality. If you haven’t seen them then I have only one thing to say to you, Alex Ross. Normally I am not a fan of his batman (batman always looks like he has a beer gut, mind you I might turn to alcohol too if I constantly fought a crazed clown) but this statue is truly awesome.

JUSTICE ALEX ROSS: SERIES 5 ACTION FIGURES & SUPERMAN BATMAN: SERIES 3 ACTION FIGURES

Remember these back when they were advanced solicited and you thought “I’ll wait till these come out”? well now they are on there way and this is your last chance to pre order. Or you could keep waiting and wind up having to run all over the place looking for that one missing figure from your collection only to have some crazy man tell you its not for sale… Don’t ask.

THE SIMPSONS LARD LAD BOX SET

The debate is still out as to which is better lard lad donuts or Krispy Kreams (although my money is on lard lad, after all good things come with lard). From tree house of horrors VI comes another box set from McFarlane toys. If you thought the doughnut eating homer was cool wait till you see the pissed off Lard Lad.

DISGAEA PRINNY FLEECE CAP

It’s prinny dood. Its every ones favorite exploding penguin in hat form! So you can now have the warmth of an exploding penguin wrapped around your head.

TALES OF THE ABYSS STATUES

You will have to excuse me for a moment as I, Brendan gush in fandom. These are so cool. As I mentioned last month the tales of series of games is truly one of my favorites and Tales of the Abyss is the best of the series. So check out Tear the Seventh Fonist, and Natalia the ass kicking princess in awesome kotobukiya form.

FINAL FANTASY XII PLAY ARTS ACTION FIGURES

Finally one of the best Final Fantasy games since Final Fantasy VI gets action figures. A game of true cinematic proportions (it actually reminds me suspiciously of Star wars) is represented by one of the greats in toy design. Play arts has doen a fantastic job with their Final Fantasy line and Balthier, Vaan, Ashe and Judge Gabranth Keep that same level of quality.

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